About Grief

November 23, 2010


Grief, often mistaken or misdiagnosed as depression, is a natural process that each of us enter into at some point (or many points) throughout our lives. All it takes is a loss of any kind.

Just about everyone has a story of loss. Whether it be loss of a partner, friend or family member, a pet, an identity, job, loss of independance or  many others, most of us know what loss feels like.


It’s not easy to grieve. In fact it’s very hard work and can feel completely overwhelming. Grief is like the hanky in the magicians top pocket. One bit of grief is attached to the last bit of grief which is attached to the grief before that. If, for whatever reason you haven’t grieved a person, situation or dream, it may all come to the surface at once.

Physically, you may feel completely exhasted. Your mind cannot seem to retain things and your memory seems to fail. It can feel like if you started crying, you might cry for days…

Most of us fight the feeling of grief and so the feeling gets stronger. We tend to “get on with our lives” and so we push our feelings down once again. If we deny the grieving process over and over again, when the next loss comes, the grief work is compounded.

The only way through grief is to go through it.

Everytime you need to cry, give yourself that space to cry.

Grief is a natural process of letting go. It’s real. You’re NOT going mad.

Sometimes, because of our busy lives and the way we are taught to “get on with it”, we can actually become unconscious of just how many losses we’ve suffered in our lives. They can pile up without us having acknowledged them!


Stop for a moment. Have a think about the last twenty years of your life. List the losses you’ve had. Don’t forget that a loss can be anyone or anything you’ve lost that meant something to you. Loss of a dream, loss of hope, health or loss of yourself are all huge and can easily pass by without being grieved in a healthy and useful way.

Look back over your list and acknowledge that you’ve had quite a few losses. Maybe you’ve never grieved some of these losses.

Just maybe you are grieving them now…

When it comes to grief, it is important to tell the story of the loss. If you feel like crying as you tell the story, make sure you stay with the feeling and have a and cry. Let it all out.

Grief is a difficult process to go through alone and unsupported. I would encourage you to get some support, sit with your grief and connect to your own process. Your own life.

Trust the process.