In 1966 the dictator of Romania decided that he wanted to double the population of his country in one generation so he banned birth control and abortions and gave families incentives for having lots of children.
It worked! The population sky-rocketed but so did the ABANDONMENT RATE of babies. People couldn’t afford to keep all the children they were having and 150,000 babies ended up in orphanages around the country. They were fed and had medical treatment but were never ever picked up, cuddled, touched or stimulated in any way. Many of these babies passed away. The term that is used to describe this condition is called ‘failure to thrive’.
Now this story is an example of extreme “LACK OF LOVE” but it spells out very clearly how important IT IS TO be loved. To feel LOVE within ourselves. In the story of the Romanian babies, lack of love was actually life-threatening.
Why have I told you such a depressing story about an anti-love, toxic environment? Because, in actual fact, most of us are walking around with anti love, toxic beliefs about ourselves all the time and 99% of the time, we’re not even aware of it..
HEALTH HAZARD BELIEFS
I have been counselling women with Cancer for the last 5 years. Over that time I have become a bit of a BELIEF DETECTIVE and I’ve seen the same set of beliefs coming up over and over again. I call them HEALTH HAZARD BELIEFS and like smoking is a health hazard to the lungs, these beliefs are a hazard to your well-being.
When somebody is diagnosed with CANCER, the physical body becomes a priority (obviously for good reason). It may be that the person has an operation, chemotherapy, radiation and countless trips to the specialist and doctors. Emotions go into overwhelm and the person may go and see a counsellor for some support to get through this incredibly fearful time.
After you come out the end of all that, feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck and wondering where your ‘normal’ life went, what then? Do you re-build the same life again? Or do you build a better life?
There’s lots of advice out there; how to eat correctly, get more sleep, exercise and manage your stress levels, but all along, silently and subtly lurking around in the dark places of your subconscious mind is a set of anti-love, anti-life, anti well-being and anti- YOU HEALTH HAZARD BELIEFS that, unless brought into your awareness, can keep contributing to dis-ease within you.
THE HEALTH HAZARD BELIEFS
So, By now, you’re probably pretty curious about what these beliefs are and how you can become aware of them.
Over the years, I’ve put together a number of ‘tools’ which, collectively, I call the Emotional Survival Kit. One of these tools is called the T-Shirt Tool.
I got to thinking one day. What if we were all walking around with what we truly believed about ourselves written on metaphysical T-Shirts?
What if other people were ‘reading’ our T-Shirt and treating us according to what they read? You know, they’d come up and read; “I believe I’m not good enough” please validate my belief. And they go, OK, I’ll make sure you NEVER feel good enough because .. well.. that’s what you believe!
What if we could become aware of the T-Shirt we might be wearing in that moment and then consciously change the shirt to something that serves us rather than sabotages us?
These are the set of beliefs I come up against over and over again when counselling women with cancer.
1. I’m not good enough
2. My needs always come last
3. I have to DO things for people to be loved by them
4. I have to please people to be accepted by them
5. I believe that my needs and wishes are less important than yours.
6. I believe that I have to reach impossibly high standards to be accepted.
Obviously, none of these beliefs are loving or kind toward ourselves. You cannot get love or acceptance from the outside – it’s an inside job. Of course it’s a noble idea to be pleasing to someone, or to DO THINGS for them, but if you are doing it with an agenda behind it (and what I mean by AGENDA is “To earn your love, to be accepted by you), then this is a grab for love from the outside and it is never going to work.
These beliefs become like our auto-pilot. They determine our first reaction in any situation. Work, relationships.. These hidden beliefs determine how much happiness you get.
So what do you do about these beliefs. To be perfectly honest, in my experience, the hidden beliefs do stay with you to some degree. The most imporant thing we can do is to become AWARE that we are ‘wearing’ them.
The first thing you need to do is to acknowledge that you FEEL BAD in a situation. Don’t just brush the feeling aside. Then, ask yourself the question: What T-Shirt Am I Wearing? Am I wearing one of those beliefs I’ve had for most of my life?
Once you become aware of the T-shirt belief you are wearing you are consciously able to change it to something that serves you such as; I love and respect myself; I trust my own decisions; I am saying ‘yes’ to me more often; It’s OK to pamper myself sometimes; I am believing more in love than the lack of love; My own needs and wishes and dreams are important.
The T-shirt tool is a really easy way to start becoming aware of the unconscious beliefs that are ‘running your life’. This tool has helped me enormously in my own life. I’m sure it can help you as well.
